An important note to those whom I hold dear, yet I ignore to varying degrees:Well, I've probably attempted to apologize to you before- although a select few I shamefully resisted for years giving this apology, as the apology itself meant breaking a silence that I suppose I was not yet ready to break. I still don't have a tidy explanation for why I was unable to reengage during
and after my Italian voyages. I know that after the first time I came back from Italy, I found myself unable to maintain the relationships I had just the year before. I essentially lopped off half the names on the list of people I considered friends. Those "lopped off" weren't at all those I considered less important. Basically, those who were geographically less convienent (read:not Fullertonians) were the ones whose friendship I allowed to expire; set aside like a once loved pair of jeans that no
longer fit. I still keep them around- but I never wear them, and probably won't ever again. Among [these neglected friends] who *might* read this are Nikki and Daniel (and Daniel: I certainly owe an apology to Stephi as well, who never understood that my selfish behavior in no way reflected on her or my opinion of her). I'm placing rather personal apologies in a rather public forum because I was often unable to make that first step in an exclusive and engaging
manner. The fact that even those [some of those who] shouldn't have befriended me in Facebook [did request to be my friend] gives me hope something can be resurrected in my new existence. To my Fullertonians who I've only been ignoring for a few months: Well, I suppose your used to this from me by now. The overarching point being: I actually hope this very blogthing can keep [me] somewhat engaged with my home
world. So I might not be able to [wear] those "old jeans" like I once did, but who knows, maybe I can find some new reason to pull them out of the closet. Make a bag out of them perhaps.
I feel ya. Here I am in New York and when I come to home there are like, 80 people I would like to see, but I usually stick with the same 3 or 4. Knowing you will have to coordinate a long drive and probably stay overnight makes the older, more long-term friends easier to deal with. I find that with most people, unless you've had a very obvious falling out, you can just pick up where you left off the next time you see them. Friendship is always good, even in small, sporadic doses.
ReplyDeleteI hope you, Carla and Dario are doing well. :)