Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Hi. I'm me.

I make big fluffy clouds. That's what I do. I go outside and I want them to be. So they are. You see, they're really nice on nights like this when the moon's really bright. Moon lights 'em up on one side, and you even got the city shining below all orange. Looks like the first signs of sunrise on the sea, but no. They have an opaque glow about them. Good for neck-cramping, jaw-gaped stares.

One time I wanted a halo, and, then, it...happened. Ok, ok, so I kinda thought it might. But still. I mean.
I was having a nice night. Don't remember details, but I'm sure I have it written somewhere. I'd just got home. Had kind of a funky place without much yard of my (our) own. But there were a couple of grass-and-tree infested patches throughout the complex that even had a nice little hilly incline that made for good jaw-gaped stares- no neck-cramping as you could recline against the hill supporting the neck nicely for lookin' up.
I used to like finding good looking spots all the time then. My favorite was at the jetty at the beach. Rocks make good backrests, but I went there more for sentimental value and usually wouldn't actually sprawl out on the rocks in the jetty at all. They were cold and wet, and slimy. I liked the waves and the sea air. These were good things rolled up inside my positive cumulative experience at the beach. Some good times had been had there, with some good people. But it had most always been more of a general idea of well-being than wrapped into any particular person or experience. So I would go there. Even though it was at least 30 minutes each way.

This night, I don't remember why-even though I'm sure I could look it up if I wanted too, I didn't feel like going to the beach. But I don't remember it feeling at all as I was settling for the slope in front of my neighbors' garages. I was good there, and immediate gratification was nice. It gratified.

I remember now that I'm sure I wrote about that night in one of my places, because I remember having it with me. I made one of those rash, cocky desires that could do no good to the wisher should they come true, demanding nature satify me with a halo around the moon. Sometimes 1+1=2 can be tricky if you can't recognize the 1's. I'm sure I did innately, but I'm don't think I had consciously realized that the moon haloes over when the air humid past the point of humid, but more misty even. It was that night, and the light from everything else was refracting. I loved the fuzzy lights I associated with my nights at the beach, which I so often replicated. Fuzzy lights, haloed moons, make me feel well.

So I wanted it- wrote about it too, I think- and it was. I'm not gonna say I got a God complex or anything. And perhaps a mini-spike in self-confidence was hardly a bad thing for me at the time as well. But it was special. I wanted it, and it was.